It's a Bigger Deal than You Realize

Lately, I've heard a single phrase from a lot of different sources. A phrase that seems to have been generally accepted, repeated, and believed by many people, and specific to this article, many Christians. What's the phrase? "It's no big deal."

Admit it, you've thought/said this phrase many times yourself. Maybe recently. Honestly, so have I. And maybe you're already deciding that saying "It's no big deal" is no big deal. Which is, at least in a sense, no big deal. After all, whatever qualifies as "no big deal" is probably something that doesn't hurt anyone, that isn't really all that bad, or that isn't as bad as something else that's bad.

But I think "it's no big deal" is a trap, and a very dangerous one. And I'll tell you why:

Justifying anything by comparing it to something worse doesn't make it any less bad itself. All it does is make you feel more comfortable about doing it.

Take a white lie, for example. What is a white lie, again? It's a lie- but it's a not-so-bad one. A harmless lie. A little white lie. There are people who will argue that telling harmless lies is no big deal. And they're probably right, harmless lies aren't that big of a deal.

There are lots of things that people say aren't that big of a deal. And that's not really a big deal, at face value. But if you take a closer look, you begin to realize that it's a much bigger deal than you realize.

Because the small sin itself isn't the issue. The problem is the attitude behind it. There are a few reasons someone might decide something isn't a big deal. Here are two of the most common ones:

1. They are living in sin, and don't want to feel bad about it.

There are times in the Christian walk when the way you feel and the way we are called to live don't match up. When you are faced with a choice: Do I follow God's commands, or do I trust my own judgement? When you don't understand WHY sin is sin, or you don't agree that it SHOULD be sin, and you have to choose whether or not you'll live by a rule you don't understand or that you disagree with.

These choices are hard to make, because sin has always looked so good. From the moment Eve saw that the fruit was good for eating in the Garden of Eden so long ago, sin has trapped billions of people because it looks good. If no one wanted to sin, no one would sin. If it didn't tempt you, you wouldn't bite. So I understand that it's hard to choose God's rule over our desire. And sometimes, desire wins. That's what sin is; it's desire overcoming sensibility and control. "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

"It's no big deal" plays into it when, instead of recognizing that what we're doing is sin and trying to put a stop to it, we decide that we like what we're doing, and since we sit in a church pew at least once a month and we're not doing anything really bad, we can sit comfortably in the knowledge that we can still be a Christian without actually sacrificing the things we like to do.

You see how dangerous this mindset can be? Yeah, telling a harmless little white lie now and again might not be a big deal, but the attitude of sinful complacency is. If we decide that we don't trust God to be right about the little things, how then are we to trust him with the big things?

The second reason people justify small sins is this:

2. Someone else is sinning and they just don't want to deal with it.

This one is a bit tricky, because it's not really the sin you're justifying, it's how you choose to deal with it. This one usually applies to parents of children or teenagers who find it easier to let the child get away with it than to try and call them out on it.

As a Christian parent, it is your responsibility to teach your kid how to live according to the Scriptures. If your kid is sinning, you are supposed to teach them that there are consequences for that sin. If you find yourself letting them get away with it, using "it's no big deal" as your justification in doing so, you are teaching your kid that sinning is okay if it's not a big sin. And then suddenly they're a teenager and they lie to you about where they went after school, who they were with, what they were doing, etc. And you're pulling your hair out trying to deal with a teenager you know nothing about.

Either that or you let them get away with it because "teens will be teens" and "it's no big deal." You can't expect your son to tell you the truth. Teens will be teens. You can't expect your son to be living honorably with whatever he doesn't tell you about. Boys will be boys. You can't expect your son to stay out of trouble, stay away from drugs, stay away from alcohol. Because teens will be teens, boys will be boys, and fun is fun. It's no big deal. They're just sowing their wild oats before they grow up. A little rebellion is healthy.

It's not healthy, I can tell you that. When you expect your kids "to be kids," they will rise to your expectation. If you let your kids get away with lying, they will lie. If you let your kids get away with smoking, they will smoke. If you let your kids get away with sleeping around, they will sleep around. Because it's OK. It's "no big deal." And when they end up going too far and your daughter winds up pregnant, or your son winds up drunk, or your kid winds up in the hospital from overdosing, you wonder where you went wrong.

It's a bigger deal than you realize. When you use "it's no big deal" as an excuse to not deal with your kids' behavior, they will pick up on that and use it as an excuse to not try and fix them. Destructive behaviors are addicting. If it's no big deal to try a cigarette, it's no big deal to have a second. If it's no big deal to have a second, it's no big deal to buy a pack. If it's no big deal to buy a pack, it's no big deal to purchase them regularly. And when they're an adult and they wind up in the hospital with lung cancer, it's suddenly a much bigger deal than it used to be. But it's too late now. They're addicted. They have to have their cigarettes.

And really, it's not always the fault of the parents. I understand. Sometimes, a parent tries their best and a child still ends up in those situations on their own. But sometimes it is the fault of the parents. Sometimes the reason a kid ends up "bad" is because the parent lets them.

The fact remains, though, that whether it is the fault of the parent or the kid, it all stems to "it's no big deal."

Whether you're using "it's no big deal" as justification for your own sins or for the sins of someone else, it is still sin, and it is still a big deal.

Justification is the biggest trap of all time, because it is an excuse to let yourself sin without feeling guilty about it. See, nothing is a big deal if you compare it to something that's a bigger deal. "So I stole ten bucks from somebody's purse. It's not like I robbed a bank or anything. It's no big deal." "So I got in a fight at school. It's not like I killed anybody. It's no big deal." "So I checked out the new secretary at work. It's not like I cheated on my wife. It's no big deal."

And yet, the Bible states that to allow evil thoughts to dwell in your mind is just as bad as acting on them. And while people like to say that they're "only human" and they "can't control what they think," you'd be surprised how much control you really have. If you let yourself think about dirty things, you'll think about dirty things more often. What you choose to think is what you will keep on thinking.

Which brings me to another thing that people think "is no big deal."

What you watch and what you listen to directly impacts how you think and how you feel. And I know this statement isn't so very popular. But it's true. What you choose to watch on television is what you choose to let into your heart. What you choose to listen to on the radio is what you choose to let into your heart. If you let yourself watch things that you know you shouldn't watch, those things become a part of you.

Media is very powerful, and it has much more impact on our minds than we think. Media capitalizes on our beliefs, ideals, and ambitions, to speak to us in a personal and meaningful way and thus win over our time and resources. That's why it's such an integral part of our society. Movie makers and Television programs strive to provide entertainment in order to secure commercial sponsorship. Commercials invest in channels and programs that are successful or that have the potential for success in order to reach their target audience, and thus gain awareness for their product or business. Media on the internet is also powerful, whether it's a funny video manufactured to win subscribers or an emotionally charged advertisement manufactured to raise awareness for a cause. There are people who will believe anything they hear or see on the television or the internet, and there are people who understand this and will use media to control those people.

Now, I'm not saying that we should ban televisions and computers in an attempt to avoid media. I think Media is a very good and powerful tool, and if used right, could impact generations in ways we can't even begin to comprehend. But we need to be very careful about what we let into our heads, because that's what we let into our hearts, and that's what we let control us. If we are constantly letting bad imagery, lyrics, and messages into our heads, then we will constantly be thinking of that bad imagery, those bad lyrics, and those bad messages.

If you don't believe me, consider this: I know a very young girl who intends to give all her dolls away because she's seen so many horror movies that she's afraid her toys will come alive and eat her. This is a true story. At an unbelievably young age, she already doesn't like dolls. And it's not because she outgrew them, she's afraid of them.

Some people won't agree with using that as an example, because they argue that things are different for kids. And I agree, to a certain extent. Of course there are things that I, as a 22 year old, watch, that I wouldn't let kids watch. I'm not saying that adults must never watch anything inappropriate for elementary or preschool kids. But I'm using this glimpse into the mind of a child as an example of what we're doing to our own minds. Don't try to tell me that adults aren't affected by horror movies, because I know adults who are scared of puppets and clowns. And yeah, some of them trace their fears to having seen a scary film as a child, but that's not true for everybody. I myself have fears that I didn't have even two or three years ago, that I never worried about until I let myself watch something scary.

And it's not even just about letting fear control you. Violence is just as harmful to your mind as fear. I know people who used to live a life of anger and who faced serious struggles with violence. And it wasn't until they stopped watching violent shows that they realized just how much it affected them.

And romance. If you constantly watch romantic movies, your own ideas of romance are affected by what you see. Speaking generally, the kind of romance movies you like end up reflecting the relationships you find yourself in. To use a common example, the girls who obsess about Twilight will generally end up in an unhealthy relationship because they like to be Bella and they imagine their partner to be Edward. And just like Bella, they find themselves "totally and irrevocably in love" with someone. And when their unrealistic expectations of perfection are shattered, it's too late to go back, because they have given everything, they have let themselves go so completely that they can't turn back. That's what "irrevocably" means. It cannot be revoked.

Self control is a learned behavior. Yeah, it might be easier to learn for some, but nobody just wakes up with self control. If you cannot make yourself exercise, you will never be physically fit. If you cannot make yourself practice an instrument, you will never be a musician. And if you cannot make yourself change the channel, if you cannot make yourself turn off the radio, if you cannot make yourself think about something else, you will never be in control of your own mind.

So how does self control and media tie into "it's no big deal?"

What about when you watched that bad show and when you were feeling guilty about it, you told yourself "It's no big deal?" I'm guilty of that one. There is stuff I will never unsee, that still comes to my mind every so often, that I should not have let into my head and into my heart. But I did because the episode was funny. Or what about that song with that one line that you don't agree with? And every time you listen to the song you kind of try to ignore that line, and when you feel guilty about it, you tell yourself "It's no big deal?" I'm guilty of that one too. There are songs that I've listened to over and over again, that put words and thoughts into my head that I can't forget. But I listened to them because the beat was catchy.

And when you think things, or do things, or say things, things that you know are wrong, that you know go directly against the Bible you normally strive to adhere to, that you know will only bring you grief and heartache, and you justify them with phrases like "it's no big deal," well...

Sin is still sin. And justifying sin to make yourself feel better about it doesn't make it any less sinful.

The only thing that happens is you keep living in your sin, because if it's no big deal, it doesn't need changing. And you don't want to change. You like your dirty little habits right where they are. So you pretend it isn't wrong, you pretend it's no big deal, and you end up deluding yourself into believing it.

God was clear in the rules he gave us. So when we break the rules because it's "no big deal," we're proving that we think we know better. We think God is outdated. We think God is old fashioned. We think that if God lived in today's world and walked in our shoes and knew what we know, he'd have said something different. He would agree with us. Because times are different, we really had no choice, we're only human, kids will be kids. It's no big deal.

That's why "it's no big deal" is such a big deal. It's a trap set with the purpose of ensnaring Christians into living a life of sin without ever fully realizing that it's sin.

And yes, sometimes the things we do aren't a big deal. But be careful about what you're willing to justify, because sometimes, things are a bigger deal than we realize.

Feedback, questions and comments, whether positive or negative, are always welcome provided they are respectful and professional, and have some thought behind them. Trolls and flamers will be ignored on the grounds that they obviously aren't taking this seriously anyway.

Don't Read This if You Like to be Right

Everyone writes blogs these days. It's how you talk, how you state your opinions, how you explain your ideas to people who agree with you (or who don't agree with you) and how you express yourself. I'm surprised I waited till now to start mine; writing has always been one of my stronger points. So here I finally am.

There are a lot of things I plan to talk about. Things I've observed about life, about people, about words, about the church... Because I'm heavily involved in my church, just to let you know. If you don't like to read about the church, don't read this blog.

There are a few other things you should know about me if you intend to read my blog. First, I'm mean. I don't try to be. In fact, I try very hard not to be. But I still have the tendency to be mean, and blunt, and rather rude, all on accident. I say what I mean, and if you don't like brutal honesty, don't read this blog.

Another thing you should know about me is that the majority of my blogs will be written mainly for Christian Believers. While of course, other people can read those kinds of blogs, it won't be the same for them as it would be for a Christian. I'm not being biased or discriminatory. I am a Christian, I am heavily involved in ministry, I do my best to study the Bible and learn what it says, and I apply those teachings in every aspect of my life. Naturally, my writing will reflect that, and as such, will be more suited for other Believers. If you don't like to read about the church... Oh wait, I already said that.

Although I will be talking a lot about scriptures that stand out to me or messages that speak to me, I can tell you right now that I don't believe in just reading the Bible or just believing in God, and never letting it affect your life. I think that a true believer in Christ needs to live their lives in a good and honorable manner in accordance to the scriptures and teachings of Christ. And if I see a common belief among Christians that goes against the teachings of Christ, I won't hesitate to blog about it. If you don't like to read that sometimes a belief or tradition is wrong, don't read this blog.

But if you don't like the church, don't think that I'll be validating any beliefs that Organized Religion is always wrong, either. There is a very important purpose in the church, and a very good reason why they're still around. Churches not only provide a safe environment for free worship and fellowship, but they also are a way to learn and grow in your faith, in integrity and accountability. The Bible has been twisted to say and mean very different things throughout history and in the world today. Finding a good church that truly presents the Gospel in a straightforward, honest, and easy to understand way prevents us from misunderstanding difficult passages or believing everything we hear about God on social media. If you don't like to read that regularly attending church is good for you and even integral to your life, don't read this blog.

For those of you who don't do the "God thing" (If you're still reading this), I will also be blogging about current events, movies, TV shows I watch, books I read, songs I like, and behaviors and mindsets I've observed in people. One of the things I like to write about are character profiles. When I see a fictional character that I find interesting, I like to think about why they are the way they are, how they got that way, and why certain types of real people relate to the characters that are similar to them. So if you don't like to read about why Captain America is the proudest Avenger or why Agent Ziva David is more wrong than she'd like to admit or why Tauriel was the worst thing that could have happened to The Hobbit, don't read this blog.

Most importantly, I will be writing about the hard topics. I'll be writing about justice and mercy, about discrimination and acceptance, about faith and religion, about prosperity and poverty, about hope and hopelessness, about strength and weakness, about rage and self control, about pride and humility, about law and freedom, about prejudice and understanding, about love and hate, about respect and disdain, about heart and happiness, about life and death. Leave all your preconceived notions behind. I will be wrong sometimes, because at the end of the day, I'm only human. But the truth of the matter is you'll be wrong sometimes too.

And if you don't like to be wrong, don't read this blog.

Feedback, questions and comments, whether positive or negative, are always welcome provided they are respectful and professional, and have some thought behind them. Trolls and flamers will be ignored on the grounds that they obviously aren't taking this seriously anyway.